With the holidays officially here there is one holiday that I’m going to use here to talk about games. That holiday is Festivus. Yes, the very holiday the Costanza family invented as a counter to all the pressures of the holiday season. The traditions include a dinner, and the feats of strength. However, Festivus traditionally starts with the “Airing of Grievances”. So I’m going to use that to air my grievances to the gaming community. Gather around the aluminum pole because I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE, AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THEM!
To Gearbox Software
12 years. 12 years since the gaming community has been promised Duke Nukem Forever. 12 years worth of “announcements” then a delay, then another “announcement” and another delay, then 3D Realms goes under, then Gearbox Software picks it up, announces it and delays it by a few months. Was that wait worth the 12 years? Absolutely not. All that buildup and the game looks like it is 12 years old with graphics that look like they could’ve been played on the Playstation 2 or the first X-Box. 12 years of waiting and the story of the development of Duke Nukem Forever was more interesting than the game itself.
To Beenox Studios
I tried out a little Spiderman: Shattered Dimensions. It wasn’t the open world Spiderman game I was used to seeing over the last few years, and quite frankly it was refreshing. It was a nice linear story with a change of pace in the different Spider…men. So when Spiderman: Edge of Time had both Spiderman 2099, and Amazing Spiderman on the cover I was expecting a fast paced high flying and swinging for one, and the regular beat-em-up, web powers, for the other. What I got was an average beat-em-up game without much difference between the two, repetitive and bad controls, a too many robots, and too few boss battles. You abandoned what made Shattered Dimensions good, and disappointed me.
To Microsoft
X-Box owners are fiercely loyal to Microsoft. The Kinect has been very successful to the users, and yet, I still feel that the Kinect and the X-Box 360 had one major problem this year. The lack of exclusive major titles. The only two I can think of are Forza Motorsports 4 and Gears of War 3. Maybe 2012 will hold more than Mass Effect 3 and Halo 4, if that is released next year. Until then Microsoft is going to have a lot of competition coming from the PS3 with exclusives such as Twisted Metal, and possible releases this year of The Last Guardian, and The Last of Us. I’m hoping Microsoft steps it up with the exclusives in 2012 because 2011, was a bit of a let down as far as exclusives go.
To Sony
Listen, I admit, I’m a Sony fanboy. The “Michael” commercial was great. Here’s the thing, I know the move was that counter to the Kinect, but does it need to be an accessory to games? Are they going to follow suit the same way Microsoft has with more “casual” games? If I can play a game with a regular controller I’m going to play it like that. If you have some good exclusive games for the Move, that can make it a “system seller”, then it might be worth the money. Then again, maybe they’re just going to “move” on and focus on the Playstation Vita.
To Microsoft…Again
This one goes to the E3 presentation. This is a word of warning more than anything. Microsoft, STOP USING CHILD ACTORS! Is it bad enough you want that casual audience so bad that you have to use the Kinect to market toward kids. I was fine with you guys showing off the other things it could do, and you showed off a game or two that might be for that “core” audience. You know, that “core” audience that thought you were going to market games toward? Yeah that one. I doubt any of them are playing the Sesame Street or Disneyland game.
To Nintendo
Speaking of bad E3 presentations, Nintendo’s conference didn’t answer any questions as to what exactly the Wii-U is going to be. It presented the controller, and really, nothing more. I understand the notion of Nintendo showing off the experience of the system rather than listing off the technical aspects of what it can do, but there are a lot of people who like hearing about how powerful the Wii-U will be. Not only that, but now with 4 consoles out on the market, Nintendo just do us all a favor and pick an audience.
To THAT gamer
Turn down your music, speak clearly in the microphone, try your best to avoid the other background noise, don’t use foul language that would make a sailor blush, if you’re going to use hateful speech, go back to the hole YOU came from, and for goodness sake, for the love of all that is still good in this world, it’s just a game, stop blaming me for all your insecurities and shortcomings in your own life.
With that said, do you have any gaming grievances of your own? Use the comment section. I found this therapeutic, and quite fun. And when that’s over, we eat, and move some furniture around for the Feats of Strength…Or maybe some Mortal Kombat.
Finally, on behalf of all of us at New Gamer Nation, we hope you have a happy and safe holiday.